Happy New Year!
Can you believe that it's already another year? Wow and welcome 2020!
Today's post is a little bit of a rant. Well, maybe not a rant, but a pet peeve that needs to find expression.
So I was contacted on Ancestry by a person who demanded that I remove Ralph Young from being the husband of my 3rd Great Aunt, Annie Elizabeth Rushforth Horne (on my father's side) because his obituary mentions that he lived in Marshalltown, Iowa for 29 years, so therefore could not have possibly had another wife than his widow, Rachel Martin.
I politely, but firmly, denied the suggestion. Here's why:
Ralph and Annie married January 29, 1873 in Bradford, St. John, Yorkshire, England. She was 25 and Ralph was 22. They went on to have four children; William Oliver, Mary Elizabeth, Marion Liesha and Ralph Eugene.
Ralph emigrated to America around 1881 or 1882, eventually settling in Chicago, Illinois. Annie and the children are found living in 1881 in Westgate, Northumberland, England without Ralph, so it can be assumed that he was on his way to America at this time. On April 18, 1885 Annie and the children arrived in New York, with their final destination to be Chicago, Illinois. Unfortunately, Mary Elizabeth wasn't among them, at some point between 1881 and 1885 she died.
On July 17, 1888 Ralph and Annie had twin girls, Annie and Maud, in Chicago. (Little Maud died in 1891, and her twin cannot be found at this time)
At some point before, or after their birth, Ralph left the family and moved to Iowa, where he met and married Rachel Martin on February 20, 1889. He was 38 years old, and his bride was just barely 18. They had 3 children;; John James, Malinda and Mabel Kathan.
Ralph died in 1915. His first wife, Annie, died in 1909 in Chicago. Rachel went on to remarry, and died in 1954.
Here is my major problem with the obituary issue this person raised:
His obit lists Ralph being in Iowa for 29 years. He married Rachel in 1889, so 'officially' he was in the state for 26 years. 3 years.
Just 3 years difference, and the person on Ancestry cited this fact alone as the reason why Ralph couldn't have been married to Annie Horne.
Completely ridiculous, right???
Obituaries are not a reliable source for dates, time periods, or even basic information, especially those from the 1900's. They are subject to second-hand information, usually given by the spouse or a family member, who may or may not know exact dates or times or places in their loved ones lives.
As well, I have come across hundreds of obituaries in my searching that simply do not list previous spouses or children in them. Sometimes the person submitting the obituary simply does not know, other times they know but refuse to recognize a previous spouse or family member out of spite.
It could be that Ralph wanted to avoid the embarrassment of telling his new wife that he had left his previous wife pregnant (or with twin newborns) and 3 other children so that he could marry a woman 20 years younger. It could be that he didn't even know about the twins, left Annie before he knew they were expecting. It could also be that he just up and abandoned them without a word, as Annie lists herself as widowed in the 1900 census.
Whatever the reason, unfortunately, Ralph's widow did not include that information in in his obituary. So we will never know.
But that measly 3 year difference in his obituary does not automatically erase any possibility that Ralph was married twice. Especially since records prove otherwise.
Lessons to be learned:
As always there are lessons that can be learned from this.
1. Do not contact random strangers demanding that they rip out an entire branch of their tree based on something as flimsy as not being mentioned in an obituary.
2. When contacting the random stranger, frame your 'demand' as an inquiry, not a rude, "Hey, you better do this." It's much nicer to have someone be polite than have someone yell at you. Literally, this person did not say "hello", or "My name is..." or "It's nice to meet you" or "Is it possible that the Ralph in your tree is incorrectly listed as the husband of Annie Horne. Can we talk about it?" They were rude, to a total stranger.
3. Understand that sometimes you will learn something in your family history that will not be pleasant, or will be surprising, or shocking. You should approach your family history as a learning experience, because believe me, digging around in the past will unearth family secrets that you were unaware of. You alone do not hold all the answers.
4. Sources and records trump family lore and legends. If your great aunt 3 times removed swears that so and so married so and so but records are found that prove otherwise, ALWAYS go with the records. Passing down family history by word or notes scrawled on paper does not necessarily make it true. Memories are faulty, especially if the memory has passed through several generations, and more often than not some, or all of it, will be wrong. CHECK the sources!
5. Be willing to admit you were wrong. I've had to do it. It's a part of genealogy. Sometimes you do have to prune back your tree once in a while because you've attached an incorrect source, blindly added information without double-checking it first, found that elusive source that proves your information was wrong.
6. I'll say it again... BE NICE TO PEOPLE. People are more willing to listen, or help, if you are courteous, polite and willing to listen to their side. Rude people are horrible to deal with. DON'T be THAT person.
